Divorce

One concept that stood out to me this week on divorce and remarriage was that sometimes parents hide major arguments from their children.  Then when they announce that they are getting a divorce, the children are caught off guard.  In the future, they will most likely be on edge because in their mind, even good marriages end in divorce.  I thought that this was interesting, but a concept that made sense to me. 
Another interesting fact that I learned was that approximately 70 percent of divorcees believe that they made a mistake two years later.  To me, this emphasizes the point that divorce is really not the typical solution for a troubled marriage.  Working through problems and learning to love each other is a much better option for the parents as well as the children involved.  This also relates to what I learned in my Marriage class.  In that class, I learned that 80 percent of couples who say that they are unhappy in their marriage will end up saying they are happy or very happy in five years.  From these facts, it seems that staying together for many couples is a far better option. The children do better as well instead of being shuffled between mom and dad.

Parenting

This week as we discussed parenting, someone mentioned that "parenthood is preparation for Godhood."  I loved that idea.  We indeed do become more Godlike as we learn to sacrifice for those the Lord has put in our charge.  I also liked the thought that we teach children to obey not to make our own lives easier but to teach them to obey Heavenly Father.  For me this puts a lot of responsibility for me to teach my children to obey so that they can fulfill their purpose on earth and return back to live with Heavenly Father. 
As we discussed active parenting, it came up that children usually misbehave because they have an unmet need.  It is important to identify unmet needs that children have instead of just punishing children because we are under the false assumption that they are intentionally trying to make our lives difficult.  Children are not manipulative and there is usually an underlying reason for their misbehavior.

Family Finances

This week in class, we discussed family finances.  Inspired counsel has come from the Brethren on how a family can be successful with managing their finances.  The idea that touched me the most was that really the goal behind learning to manage our resources and finances is learning to manage ourselves.  I loved that because it is so true.  One of our goals of this life is to overcome the natural man and the tendencies and desires that come with that.  We become more like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when we learn to control our natural impulses and desires that we have being in a mortal world. 
Another concept that came up this week was mothers working outside of the home.  Once again, I felt the importance that comes from having a mother inside the home, taking care of her own children.  The Spirit once again testified to me the importance of staying home with my children even though I will have a bachelor's degree.  Sometimes it is tempting to go out and work to supplement our income, but what impact will it have on our children, especially in the long run?  I know that I need to be with my children to show them the way that they should go.  They need a positive example in their lives that is constant and available to them.

Communication in Marriage

Everyone struggles to effectively communicate with others.  Part of the reason for this is because we know what we mean, but others may not because they may have different definitions for the words that we use.  One of the early tasks of marriage is to create shared meaning with each other.  Most often this is a challenge for couples.  It is difficult when two people have come from two different backgrounds, yet it can be done. 
Someone in class brought up the HALT method.  This means that if you and/or your spouse are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, to step away from the situation and then come back later to assess the situation.  If I had known about this before, it may have saved me from some very unpleasant situations and hurt feelings.  I plan on using this in the future with my husband as well as with my children. 
Another topic that was discussed this past week was that when you learn another person's language, you communicate love to that person.   This can also be applied to families.  When we learn the different dialect of our family members we are showing to that person that we care about and love them.  This can also be a challenge but it is very rewarding. 

Family Crises

This week in class we talked about family crises.  Each family has them, but some may seem more prevalent than others.  I love how a family crisis can be described as both a danger and an opportunity.  There are many different types of crises that can impact a family.  While the crisis is important, how we respond to the event and how we look back on the event are just as important.  The perspective that family members have can help them see the positive that comes from going through a crisis.  If a family has a positive outlook on a crisis, it can bring them together while those who have more of a negative look on the crisis may end up struggling more through the trial.  I know from personal experience that sometimes it's hard to be positive through trials.  I believe that the true test of our character is how we respond to different circumstances and events that occur in our lives.  The Lord doesn't want us to suffer more than is necessary, yet we need growing opportunities to become more like Him.  As we remember this, hopefully it can help us keep a more positive outlook on the challenges that we face in life.

"The Talk"

Many children today seem to get their ideas and views about sex from others beside their own parents.  For the most part, these sources are not reliable sources for information regarding such a sacred matter.  It is the parent's responsibility to approach the subject of sex with their children.  This begins at an early age.  Children don't need to know everything from the get-go, but they should be taught what is appropriate for their developmental age.
Another topic that we discussed during class that I thought was interesting was girls' nights.  Were I live here in Rexburg, they are very popular among the married folks.  They turn out to be complaining sessions, not just about husbands, but also about other women.  When this observation was brought up, it rang very true to me.  Girls' nights don't create unity between spouses, instead, they create disunity.  One observation that I have noticed among those that are married is how much time they spend with their "best friend" rather than their spouse.  My husband and I have discussed how amazing it is that we see some women with their "best friend"more than I see them with their spouse.  Whether it's to go shopping or have a night out.  I understand that breaks are needed, but from the outside looking in, it seems that many women take that too far and forget to develop the relationship with their spouse.  I am grateful that my parents taught me early that where the family is, that's where you belong.  You don't have to be socializing with your friends to feel needed or loved.  Ultimately, you should get this from the Lord and your family.

Transition to Parenthood

I know, I know... I'm a week late for this blog post.  I was enjoying spending time with my family that I missed doing my blog for the regular time of the week.  It really threw off my groove :)   Anyway, two weeks ago in my family class, we discussed the transition into parenthood.  This was a topic of interest for me because my husband and I are getting for our first child to make her appearance.  Along with getting her here safely, I also worry about how my relationship with my husband will change.  I have realized that how the marriage fares after the birth of a child depends on large measure on what happens during the pregnancy.  Some of the suggestions were that the husband should attend doctor appointments, have him feel the baby kick, talk about the baby coming, and that the wife not be exclusive about the pregnancy.  As I reviewed some of these suggestions, I was relieved to find that my husband and I are on the right track.  He has attended all of the doctor appointments and is an active participant during them, especially during ultrasounds.  He already talks to our baby and loves to feel her kick around.  I know that he will be a great father but I know that we will also have to keep working on our relationship so that we are both able to feel satisfied in our marriage.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is of course is February 14.   I have one amazing husband and I couldn't have married anyone better.  I really feel that the Lord placed us in each others lives for a reason.  As we have been talking about the different types of dating, I have thought about my own dating experiences.  The experience with my husband was by far the best one.  I recall how he exemplified the responsibilities of a Priesthood holder as we were dating.  He seemed to always have a plan for our dates which falls under preside.  He may have been nervous to ask me out on dates, but I don't remember ever getting that feeling.  In my eyes he portrayed confidence.  Also, we paired off and got to know each other intimately.  We also had double dates with others, but from the beginning we were very comfortable around each other and there were very few awkward moments.  This portrayed him protecting me, both from others and himself.  Finally, he always paid for our dates.  Sometimes I would feel guilty because I knew how much money a date would cost.  Yet this showed that he would provide for us in the future.  Another interesting fact I learned, was that the patterns established during dating continue on into marriage.  For example with finances, if the women helps pay for dates, that could establish that she is willing to contribute to providing for the family and working outside the home.

The Influence of Gender

"The Family:  A Proclamation to the World" is truly inspired!  As gender was the subject of this week, we talked about how boys and girls are born with talents and skills that help them in their future roles as adults.  For example, girls tend to be nurturing to dolls and boys like to make guns out of anything and pretend to shoot people.  From the video that was assigned, it was interesting how toys manufactures have tried to market trucks to girls and dolls to boys and they end up losing money because boys are generally more drawn to trucks and girls are more drawn to dolls.  These types of scenarios help show how the different genders are born with inherent qualities that distinguish them from one another.  It also helps establish the fact that both a mother and a father are needed to raise a child.  A mother and father have different approaches to raising a child that help influence a child's proper development.  The most interesting fact that I found was how parents hold babies.  Mothers tend to hold babies close and facing towards them.  On the other hand, fathers hold babies facing out to the world.  To me, this was very interesting and one that I have seen many times displayed before with people at church and those in my own family.

My Family Culture

This past week in class we discussed culture within our families.  I thought about the family that I grew up in and the words that I would use to describe it.  Here are a few of what I came up with:
-traditional
-stable
-religious
-work
-conservative
-education oriented

As I thought back on when my husband and I went on our first date, we both felt an instant connection.  It is interesting that I thought he was "normal" compared to other guys that I had dated.  As I have thought about family culture, I have realized that our families have similar cultures.  They value some of the same things in life.  Some things are different between our two families, but that keeps things fun, right?  It has been a matter of trial and error for my husband and I to establish our own family culture.  Our culture is different from either one of the families that we grew up in, but we are our own family unit now and it has been nice to establish our own culture for our own family.

Family Systems

This week in class we discussed family systems.  Each person in a family is vital to the family.  Each member influences the others.  This made me think of how when people are doing something that isn't in their best interest, they tend to say that it only affects them.  As I thought about how family systems relate to this, I realized that it influences others more than I had thought before.  None of us are islands and so our actions have an impact on others, both inside and outside the family.

This week we also discussed the different types of relationships in families as developed by Dr. Minuchin.  It helped me evaluate the family that I was raised in and the relationships we had amongst ourselves.  It also helped me evaluate my relationship with my husband and how I want it to be, even after we have children.  I know that how I act and behave will influence our relationship with each other as well as with our children.

The Family

As I go to school at BYU-Idaho, sometimes I feel that I am very similar to everyone else regarding the goals and aspirations that I have for my life.  Yet after reading about the trends that our current society is engaging in such as higher divorce, people putting off marriage, and a lower birth rate.  When I learned about the trends that our society is going towards, I realized that right now I am in a unique situation; I am surrounded by people who are different than the majority of society.  I also realized how prophetic and needed The Family:  A Proclamation to the World was.  There is more to it than just some old men reflecting on the traditional families that they were raised in.  Instead, this outline of a traditional family has been created by the Lord and it is where children can learn the most and thrive.  I am thankful to know this and I believe it helps me set more ideal and realistic goals based on what the Lord would have me do in my family.

Here is the link to the Proclamation:
http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng

"The Challenge to Become"

After our class discussion on "The Challenge to Become" by Elder Oaks, I felt that I have a lot of improvements to make in my own life.  That can be scary, but at the same time, it can be very challenging and rewarding as we become more like our Savior.  I know that I have a long way to go before I become like Heavenly Father, but I also know that my purpose in this life is to become more like Him and so I can only work towards being a little better each day.

In class we also discussed how our families are planned and we aren't randomly assigned to be in families.  As I thought about my own family that I grew up in, I would agree.  We all get along well together and we all have strengths that uplift and benefit each other.  Even the spouses that each one of us has chosen seem to fit in perfectly as well.  We all need each other and I couldn't imagine not having a member of my family part of my life.